There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
you never un-have a 4some
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
