I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
