Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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