Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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