6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
