Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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