my room smells like sperm. sweet.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
