If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
