Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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