I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
