I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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