Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
