then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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