dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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