I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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