Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
