you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
