Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
did i walk over a car last night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize