it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize