I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
