My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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