nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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