Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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