I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
