Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
