i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
