sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
