these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
