Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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