i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize