apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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