Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
