I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
