I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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