im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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