I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
