You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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