Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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