fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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