I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
