i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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