That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
