i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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