I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize