when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
