M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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