FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
