I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
