im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
