what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
