If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
