the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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