YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
