College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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