Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
