I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
