just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can I color on your dick again?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
