Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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