is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
