It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
