Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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