I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize