there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
we're so committed to being not committed
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
