She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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