hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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